Still sick, despite antibiotics, but slowly getting better, I think. Ian and Leah are still really sick, which bothers me, but I'm taking them to our family dr in the morning. It was supposed to be Ian's long-delayed 2yr old physical appointment, but I think it'll be a "help my sick kids!" appointment instead.

It's funny how I don't like being sick, and I'll whine and complain about it, but it never worries me nearly as much as when my kids are sick. I just suck it up and deal with it mostly. Although I admit wholeheartedly that I pretty much let the housework go for the past couple of weeks.

I finished Nanowrimo, and am DAMN proud of myself. I don't think I've ever written 50,000 words in a month before. I still need to finish the draft and then do some MASSIVE edits, but hopefully it'll turn into something I can be proud of.

Saw my OB today for the first time. There were a bunch of mix-ups, so I'm already 20 weeks along, but since I usually have pretty uneventful pregnancies I wasn't all THAT worried about it. Still, it was nice to hear that nice, strong heartbeat and talk about my next ultrasound (should be in the next couple of days hopefully!), my chances of NOT having gestational diabetes this time (hopefully good!) and the possibility of a VBA3C (yeah, basically a 0% chance on that one!). So, I've signed the consent for the c-section and tubal. Oh my God - I'm having a baby! Why didn't anyone TELL me!?!

10:30, and I'm going to bed. An early night for once... what a concept!

Yeah, I lived in the States... so what? I'm Canadian!

I named 44 US states in 10 minutes

Sick, sick, sick.

It should be illegal to be sick and pregnant at the same time. There are a few things I can take safely, but I feel guilty taking those, so I'm doing it only when absolutely necessary.

If I go back to being sporadic for a bit, you'll know I'm lying on the couch, thinking about how disgusting my house is getting, but knowing that if I try and do anything I'll get dizzy and have to lie down. Sigh.

Hal, bless his heart, was almost going to work from home today, but I told him not to. He already worked from home one day last week, and I still don't really know how much tolerance this place has for telecommuting on a regular basis :(

Naptime in 1/2 hr! Woo hoo...

An only child? What???

The girls went to Hal's parents' place for a sleepover, so we only have Ian between the two of us. I don't even know what to do right now with only one kid! How very very weird.

I think we're going to go Christmas shopping at the mall. How exciting! LOL But at least there's only one kid to chase.

I seriously don't know how to handle only one kid anymore!

Yeah, it's me

Yes, I'm well aware that I haven't blogged in well (*counting on my fingers, give me a sec) almost 10 months. And anyone who knows me personally knows that the last ten months has been... not so great. Lots of things to blog about, you'd think, but I just didn't. Even now I shouldn't be. I'm taking part in Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month) and I'm supposed to write 50,000 words on my novel this month. Every word I'm writing here is a word I should be writing there, but oh well.

Here's the condensed version of the past ten months (and I mean CONDENSED):

1. Shortly after my last post Hal lost his job. COMPLETELY out of nowhere and for no reason. Company A tried to completely screw us, too, so even though we were supposed to be out of the country within a week, we stayed long enough to fight them (laywers and everything) and get a half-decent settlement in order to be able to afford to get home. We got screwed by just about everyone in this move: Company A, New York Unemployment, the company that made us think they'd offered Hal a new job, only to find out that they hadn't... it's been pretty damned sucky. He finally did get back to work, but it was a really rough few months. NOT how we intended this "adventure" in the US to go. So, needless to say I'm a Canadiyank no more, but I'm not changing blogs again, so there! Plus, after 10+ months in the US we've figured out that we can never be the same people again. I think I will be a Canadiyank forever, in some way.

2. The same day that Hal lost his job (and I SWEAR I am not making this up) his father had a heart attack. A week later, with us still stuck in the States, his dad had a QUINTUPLE bypass. As in FIVE. I had never even heard of someone having a quintuple bypass before. Quadruple, yes, but man. It was really hard on all of us, being stuck in another country while all of this was going on. He's getting better now, all these months later, but he'll never really be the same, either.

3. We rented a "temporary" house when we came back, sight unseen. My friend went and looked at it for us, gave us her approval and we agreed to rent for 3 months while we "found a house to buy". Unfortunately, Company A has essentially ruined us financially (they're such GIVING, LOVING people in the US, really!) and at this point, buying a house again just isn't going to happen. That's killing me, because, as I may have mentioned before, I HATE RENTING. Plus, it's a little townhouse. Well, maybe not "little", but far too little for us. Especially now that...

4. I'm pregnant. Yes, you read that right. I am pregnant with Baby #4. We've always been a stupidly optimistic pair, Hal and I, and we decided that hey, why not... we'll just see what happens and surely we'll have fixed our mess by the time I actually GOT pregnant (after 2 sets of fertility treatments, you don't expect much from "let's just see what happens." But two months later, much to my surprise, I saw my first ever positive home pregnancy test, and here I am now, 17 weeks along.

5. So now we're trying hard to find a bigger place for all of us to rent for a year or two. Poor Millie has now been in 3 different schools, and she's only in Grade Two. We told her we'd probably be moving again, and have to go to another school and she said, "That's okay, I'm used to it." Ugh. Mommy guilt.

6. Leah is in nursery school. Ian is jealous. I'm just trying to keep from losing my mind, still be a SAHM in a much smaller house, with a toddler and a preschooler who want nothing more to run, in a house that is NOT conducive to running. I am NOT a domestic person. I hate cleaning. I hate cooking. I love my kids, though, and I keep telling myself that's what matters.

And now I have to go do laundry. I'm not too fond of that, either :)

How sad is it that this is the best news I've had in a while? Heee... I'm such a geek :)

Oh, and I swear I'm going to start updating a lot more... I have a lot to say, but not tonight...

The other night Millie told Hal that she doesn't like America and wants to go back to Canada. Daddy told her that we're trying to go back, but "first we have to have your birthday party" (she's turning 7 soon - I can hardly believe it - but that's another post). She told him that she wanted to have her birthday party in Canada because "no one here listens" to her. I know she has friends here, but it's not like it used to be.

My heart is breaking for my little girl.

We have to get out of here. We just got an electric bill that covered two months: apparently the bill for November that I was so happy about was an "estimate" and was off by $600. And the bill for December was the same. We now owe the electric company $1600 even after I paid them $500 last month. Stupid FUCKING baseboard heaters. I nearly had a panic attack when I saw that. There are still probably 3-4 months where we're going to need to use them at least a little bit, so does that mean another 4 $900 bills??? You have to be kidding me! I got one of the pellet stoves going yesterday, but it doesn't seem to warm things up nearly as much as we were told it would. Right now my fingers are FREEZING, and it's not even that cold out.

I hate it here too, Millie. :(

Things are better. After I wrote that last entry, we talked. We both agree that no matter how stressed out we are here, we have to stop and think more before we open our big mouths :)

We just watched "Music and Lyrics" - the movie with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore - and both really enjoyed it. If you haven't seen it, make sure to check it out. Who knew Hugh Grant could sing? And you've gotta love the 80s music video at the beginning! As Hal said, "You could go back to the 80s and put that out, and it would be a huge hit".

I don't like admitting this, but Hal and I have been fighting a LOT lately. I know we're both stressed because we don't want to be here, but damn - I just don't know how much more I can take. We're both being so frigging nasty to each other. One minute we're fine, and laughing and joking, or having fun with the kids, and the next we're sniping at each other like we're mortal enemies. I hate this. Maybe it's been the stress of the holidays, or just having him around all the time this last couple of weeks. I'm actually looking forward to him going back to work tomorrow, so that hopefully we can all just get back into a normal routine.

I so don't want to keep going like this. I love my husband, and I know he loves me. This damn place is tearing us apart, though. What's the point of being together if in the end you're alone?

Shit.

Welcome 2008! Good riddance 2007!!!

There is nothing I hate more than a cop on a power trip.

I was going to the gym this morning, and I didn't bother to brush off the (maybe) inch of snow on the van, because it was already so mild out that snow was turning to water and dripping off EVERYTHING so I assumed it would be off the van momentarily. About five minutes down the road I passed a cop. I was going about 45 mph in a 40 zone, not that big of a deal, but still had that moment of panic until I saw that he wasn't following me.

But then I noticed that suddenly he WAS following me, and with flashing lights. ARGH.

Now, I should probably admit now that we haven't changed our licenses or registration. We had the best of intentions to do so, but there was so much fucking red tape that we gave up, especially since our plan is now to go back to Canada. It just didn't seem worth it. So the idea of a ticket or anything else is somewhat panic-inducing.

Turns out, he stopped me because of the frigging snow on the van! Went off on a rant about how some woman with a dirty windshield nearly t-boned him, then muttered something about how it was already melting off and tried to make it seem like I should be thanking him!

What drives me nuts about cops like this is that it forces me to act like the simpering female, "I'm SOOO sorry" etc in the scared little girly voice. Blech.

Wanna know what I really WANTED to say to him???

"Listen, I don't know what happened with your wife this morning. Perhaps she burnt your toast, or perhaps she bit down a bit too hard while she was giving you your morning blowjob, but back the hell off of me! I'm a fucking Canadian - I know how to deal with snow on a vehicle, and this is NOTHING!!! So go back to your damned redneck cop car and go bug someone who gives a rat's ass!"

Sigh. Now that feels better :)

Oh, and my other rant for the day? I went to have a prescription filled today. We're changing insurance because it's been costing us an arm and a leg for practically nothing in terms of service. But my understanding was that the new insurance takes effect tomorrow. But the pharmacist told me that apparently it must have taken effect today, because my card was expired. Grr... now I have to wait for Wednesday to get my damn drugs! And BELIEVE ME - you want me to have my drugs! (Not as much as Hal does, but...) ARGH!

And just to add this one last rant: why on earth, when they leave a notice saying that you missed a parcel delivery, would they not put an ADDRESS for the post office where you're supposed to pick it up????

Merry Christmas to all!

I should be catching a quick nap right now, but oh well...

Back in Ontario again - nice to be home. We're staying at my ILs house while they're in BC at BIL's place. Ahhh... an entire house to ourselves amidst all the chaos. Of course, MIL didn't exactly child-proof before we got here, and left bowls full of suckers sitting on the coffee table. Sigh. Three kids under the age of 7 eating suckers at 11pm after sitting in the van for nearly 11 hours. Blech! This morning Ian broke a glass bowl. Last night Hal knocked over a poinsettia and got dirt all over the place (OK, so TECHNICALLY that's nothing to do with child-proofing, but it definitely has to do with HAL-proofing!)

Kids got spoiled rotten - what else is new? And in about 45 minutes we'll be getting ready to go to my aunt's, where they will get further spoiled. At least I don't have to cook a turkey! I made my first ever apple pie this afternoon - let's hope that it worked! I've made pies before (I had a major craving for strawberry pie when I was pregnant with Leah - to the point that in labour I asked Hal to make sure my pie went into the freezer once he was home again!) but not apple. We'll see what happens, I guess :)

Hoping that perhaps I'll start writing more in the new year. Anyone believe me???

Christmas is really bumming me out this year. The materialism of it all is just plain getting to me. Spending so much time trying to find presents for people that I can actually afford (and even THAT is a stretch) and that they'll like (and I still don't know if they will or not) and appreciate (and maybe I'm just grouchy, but I seriously doubt if they will) just seems so... pointless. I'm feeling like I would rather just forego presents entirely and do everything through the World Vision gift catalogue instead. Honestly - I've spent so much time over the past few months getting RID of stuff, or planning on how to get rid of it, that it just seems so pointless to bring in MORE stuff.

I'm feeling like less is more these days. Like my kids are growing up too priviledged, despite our constant $ woes. When you have so many toys that you forget you even have some of them... I think that's just too much. We don't NEED 50,000 dvds and videos. We don't NEED three (working) televisions.

Need is being able to provide enough nutrition for you children that they don't starve, or have their hair falling out... need is making sure that you have heat in the winter... need is making sure that you aren't naked (unless that's something you're into, of course ;) )

I'm just so frustrated by all of it. I'd be happy to have a day at home, with my kids, with my husband, listening to Christmas carols and eating a decent meal.

And I am NOT a Scrooge!!!

I have been VERY remiss in updating this. If I actually had any readers before, I probably don't now :)

Ironically I've had LOTS to write about, but usually I'm composing entries in my head while driving, or at the gym, and it's kind of hard to post then (ha ha ha...) Too bad, too, because some of them were pretty good.

EVERYONE but me has been sick with the flu over the past two weeks. Hal had it first, but he recovered fairly quickly. He ended up working from home a bit, though, because I was still taking care of 3 sick kids. Millie hasn't been to school since the 30th of November, except for about 2 hours on the 4th, when I thought she was doing better, but I got a call from the school nurse to come and get her. She seemed MUCH better yesterday, but then by the end of the day had a fever again and actually turned down McDonald's for chicken noodle soup.

Leah hasn't been too bad flu-wise, but she spent about 3 nights last week screaming every time you put her in bed. In my kids, that's classic ear infection, so I finally took her to the ped on Friday and she got some antibiotics, but by Saturday night she was screaming again, and Sunday night was AWFUL, so back we went yesterday for a different antibiotic.

Ian really has had it the easiest of everyone. He's stuffed up, and coughing, but other than that he's his usual Hurricane Ian self. Right now he's running around dumping random things on the floor, occasionally watching Elmo Saves Christmas, and getting goobers all over me.

Everyone keeps asking if we got flu shots this year: shouldn't that be self-evident???

So we got back home late on Monday night. A LONG trip with 3 young kids. And we're doing it all again 3 weeks from tomorrow - eek!

It was good to be home, it really was. There are things that will never change about Ontario, though. We will always be annoyed by Hal's family no matter how great they can be when they want to be. My mom will always be whiny about not spending enough time with me, making me feel like she really doesn't like my kids very much (mainly because they prevent her from spending time with me... sigh...) We have some good friends, who really care, and some hangers on that are just there well, because.

We went to see friends from church on Friday night, who had several other friends and their kids over as well. It was so great. I honestly just came out of their house that night on a high. I rarely feel that loved and wanted by people outside my immediate family. It's nice to spend time with other people our age, with kids the same age as ours, who are also professional people (and I don't mean that as snobbily as it sounds, but there are different challenges depending on your career choices, too). Church was great, too. It honestly felt like we'd never left, except for the number of people coming up to us. It was funny how many people asked if we were back for good. Leah and Ian went into the nursery that morning without even looking back, which is amazing, because every time we've tried to go to church since we moved here, they've FLIPPED OUT if I tried to leave them in the nursery. It's been six months, so there's no way that they remembered it (especially Ian), so all I can think is that they must have just realized it was home, somehow.

Saturday was interesting, to say the least. I took Millie to see her BFF from down the street. That was ok. I left Hal with Leah and Ian at his parents' place. His mom drove him nuts, the water wasn't working (the ENTIRE day) but at least the little guys got some sleep. That night there was a HUGE dinner (around 25 people) for us, which I enjoyed, but it was kind of disorganized and by the time that I got to eat there was barely any food left. Sigh. Oh well, better for my diet anyway :) It was nice to see the people who were there, but it's hard trying to talk to that many people, especially when you're chasing after two toddlers and trying to be sure they don't get themselves into trouble in a house that's essentially a construction zone right now.

Nobody slept particularly well the whole time, so I'm still trying to get the kids back on schedules, and trying to get caught up on sleep myself.

It was weird - while we were in Ontario, it just kind of felt like we'd never left, and yet I didn't really believe that I was actually there. When we got back here, it was good to be "home", but it just felt bizarre at the same time - like I wasn't sure what was real anymore. I hope this all gets resolved soon. I've come to the conclusion that although I love to travel, and I hope to see as much of the world as I can, I want a home base to always go back to. I'm not meant to live in foreign places - just visit them for pure enjoyment.

I hope this made sense - I've been meaning to write it all week, but I'm still so tired I can barely think straight. I'll try and write something later that might actually make sense :)

I'm HOME!!!

Sad when a hotel in your hometown feels more like home than your house.

So... Saturday afternoon suddenly people were outside blowing the leaves and then mowing the grass. We were somewhat perturbed, given that a) Leah and Ian were napping, and b) we hadn't asked anyone to do this.

Turns out the landlady called for them to come. We made SURE he said that she was paying, but Hal still called her to confirm and tell her that we didn't appreciate not having any warning. Ian ended up waking up early from his nap and was cranky the rest of the day.

So, the lawn is all nicely mowed.

Today we have about 10 inches of snow. Gotta love irony :D

I hate renting. I hate it with a passion that burns in my very soul (wow - haven't used THAT one in a while!)

Last week the couple that rents one of the "guest cottages" on this property told us that the landlady had called and said she was coming either Wednesday or Thursday. I cleaned like crazy, even though I'd heard before that she was coming and she didn't show up. But she finally showed up on the Thursday afternoon - only giving me a 1/2hr's notice (which is illegal, I believe). I could tell she thought the house was a mess. Gee, I have 3 kids, including 2 toddlers who make tornados look like gentle breezes... what a shock!

She asked about who we'd had doing the lawn (it's huge and we don't have the time or resources to do it ourselves) and I said we'd had her guy doing it, but when we found out he was charging twice as much as we'd been led to believe we cancelled the service. This was the end of August and the lawn hasn't been cut since then. It's not exactly gorgeous, but it's just shaggy more than anything. I mean, it's NOVEMBER for Pete's sakes!

Yesterday her realtor called. Because we found this place at the last minute, she was also our realtor, which is not an ideal situation, but it had worked out all right at the time. She said that Mrs. G (the 75-year-old landlady) had called her all upset because the grass was "up to her waist" and so L, the realtor, asked if this was true. I told her that it was unequivocally NOT true. It is MAYBE 6-7 inches long at this point. I asked if she meant the gardens, which were in a complete mess when we got here, and I wasn't about to pay for landscapers to fix HER mess. L said no, Mrs G had said the grass.

On top of that, L said that Mrs. G felt it was OUR responsibility to have the chimney and stoves cleaned if we wanted to use them this winter. Bull! They're part of the damn heating system. I don't know what we're going to end up doing, but this has just pissed both Hal and I off immensely. We already wanted to go home. Now I think we've decided that as soon as Hal can get a GOOD job at home we're out of here. I just don't care anymore. His company can just try and get the moving expenses out of us. We can stay here and go broke, or go home where he can get a good job, and I can actually WORK if I need/want to. I just told Hal that we're not going home to just any job. It has to be a good one, to at least make some part of this experience worthwhile.

Blech. I am NEVER renting again... I seem to recall saying that after we bought our first house... I just hope we don't have problems getting a mortgage when we go back and end up having to wait because he'll be starting a new job. Blech. I hate money. Blech.

Did I say blech?

When I was in high school, a lot of people watched Degrassi, but no one admitted it. Still makes me laugh.

I watched the first few episodes of the new Degrassi, to see the old gang, but never really got into it after that. Since I've been down here (where apparently it's like a cult show and these new kids get mobbed LOL) I've gotten addicted to the stupid show. I recognized part of the U of T campus in an episode tonight and got far too excited.

Damn I need to go home. 12 more sleeps :)

When Millie was about 3, and I was working for the Evil Accounting Firm (hereafter to be known as EAF) I made her a book called "Millie's ABC's". I used the colour printer at work to print it off and had the printing house across the street laminate and bind it for me. She always loved it.

I've finally been going through all of the boxes we still have left (and there are a LOT) and last weekend I found it, much to Millie's excitement.

This morning when I came into the family room to tell them that breakfast was ready, I found Millie and Leah sitting on the couch together, Millie reading her ABC book to Leah, the same way I used to read it to her.

Makes a Mama's heart melt :)

Random Thoughts from Tonight

1. Went to the gym after the kids were in bed. It's a long drive, so hard to convince myself to do it, but I really should go more often.

2. I was watching Hannity & Combes on the Cardio Theatre (this is one way that the Y here completely has it over the Y I used to go to at home) and they were talking ad nauseum about Hillary Clinton. I find it interesting how polarizing she is, but what I absolutely could not believe was the conservative woman (I have no idea who she is because I'm not a big Fox News watcher - surprise, surprise!) saying that Hillary Clinton broke the first rule of feminism because she took her husband's last name. Hello? Does anyone remember the outcry when Bill Clinton became president and the First Lady had a DIFFERENT last name? For Pete's sakes! You can't have it both ways people!

3. I had a lot more thoughts... but now I'm tired... crap :)