Still sick, despite antibiotics, but slowly getting better, I think. Ian and Leah are still really sick, which bothers me, but I'm taking them to our family dr in the morning. It was supposed to be Ian's long-delayed 2yr old physical appointment, but I think it'll be a "help my sick kids!" appointment instead.

It's funny how I don't like being sick, and I'll whine and complain about it, but it never worries me nearly as much as when my kids are sick. I just suck it up and deal with it mostly. Although I admit wholeheartedly that I pretty much let the housework go for the past couple of weeks.

I finished Nanowrimo, and am DAMN proud of myself. I don't think I've ever written 50,000 words in a month before. I still need to finish the draft and then do some MASSIVE edits, but hopefully it'll turn into something I can be proud of.

Saw my OB today for the first time. There were a bunch of mix-ups, so I'm already 20 weeks along, but since I usually have pretty uneventful pregnancies I wasn't all THAT worried about it. Still, it was nice to hear that nice, strong heartbeat and talk about my next ultrasound (should be in the next couple of days hopefully!), my chances of NOT having gestational diabetes this time (hopefully good!) and the possibility of a VBA3C (yeah, basically a 0% chance on that one!). So, I've signed the consent for the c-section and tubal. Oh my God - I'm having a baby! Why didn't anyone TELL me!?!

10:30, and I'm going to bed. An early night for once... what a concept!

Yeah, I lived in the States... so what? I'm Canadian!

I named 44 US states in 10 minutes

Sick, sick, sick.

It should be illegal to be sick and pregnant at the same time. There are a few things I can take safely, but I feel guilty taking those, so I'm doing it only when absolutely necessary.

If I go back to being sporadic for a bit, you'll know I'm lying on the couch, thinking about how disgusting my house is getting, but knowing that if I try and do anything I'll get dizzy and have to lie down. Sigh.

Hal, bless his heart, was almost going to work from home today, but I told him not to. He already worked from home one day last week, and I still don't really know how much tolerance this place has for telecommuting on a regular basis :(

Naptime in 1/2 hr! Woo hoo...

An only child? What???

The girls went to Hal's parents' place for a sleepover, so we only have Ian between the two of us. I don't even know what to do right now with only one kid! How very very weird.

I think we're going to go Christmas shopping at the mall. How exciting! LOL But at least there's only one kid to chase.

I seriously don't know how to handle only one kid anymore!

Yeah, it's me

Yes, I'm well aware that I haven't blogged in well (*counting on my fingers, give me a sec) almost 10 months. And anyone who knows me personally knows that the last ten months has been... not so great. Lots of things to blog about, you'd think, but I just didn't. Even now I shouldn't be. I'm taking part in Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month) and I'm supposed to write 50,000 words on my novel this month. Every word I'm writing here is a word I should be writing there, but oh well.

Here's the condensed version of the past ten months (and I mean CONDENSED):

1. Shortly after my last post Hal lost his job. COMPLETELY out of nowhere and for no reason. Company A tried to completely screw us, too, so even though we were supposed to be out of the country within a week, we stayed long enough to fight them (laywers and everything) and get a half-decent settlement in order to be able to afford to get home. We got screwed by just about everyone in this move: Company A, New York Unemployment, the company that made us think they'd offered Hal a new job, only to find out that they hadn't... it's been pretty damned sucky. He finally did get back to work, but it was a really rough few months. NOT how we intended this "adventure" in the US to go. So, needless to say I'm a Canadiyank no more, but I'm not changing blogs again, so there! Plus, after 10+ months in the US we've figured out that we can never be the same people again. I think I will be a Canadiyank forever, in some way.

2. The same day that Hal lost his job (and I SWEAR I am not making this up) his father had a heart attack. A week later, with us still stuck in the States, his dad had a QUINTUPLE bypass. As in FIVE. I had never even heard of someone having a quintuple bypass before. Quadruple, yes, but man. It was really hard on all of us, being stuck in another country while all of this was going on. He's getting better now, all these months later, but he'll never really be the same, either.

3. We rented a "temporary" house when we came back, sight unseen. My friend went and looked at it for us, gave us her approval and we agreed to rent for 3 months while we "found a house to buy". Unfortunately, Company A has essentially ruined us financially (they're such GIVING, LOVING people in the US, really!) and at this point, buying a house again just isn't going to happen. That's killing me, because, as I may have mentioned before, I HATE RENTING. Plus, it's a little townhouse. Well, maybe not "little", but far too little for us. Especially now that...

4. I'm pregnant. Yes, you read that right. I am pregnant with Baby #4. We've always been a stupidly optimistic pair, Hal and I, and we decided that hey, why not... we'll just see what happens and surely we'll have fixed our mess by the time I actually GOT pregnant (after 2 sets of fertility treatments, you don't expect much from "let's just see what happens." But two months later, much to my surprise, I saw my first ever positive home pregnancy test, and here I am now, 17 weeks along.

5. So now we're trying hard to find a bigger place for all of us to rent for a year or two. Poor Millie has now been in 3 different schools, and she's only in Grade Two. We told her we'd probably be moving again, and have to go to another school and she said, "That's okay, I'm used to it." Ugh. Mommy guilt.

6. Leah is in nursery school. Ian is jealous. I'm just trying to keep from losing my mind, still be a SAHM in a much smaller house, with a toddler and a preschooler who want nothing more to run, in a house that is NOT conducive to running. I am NOT a domestic person. I hate cleaning. I hate cooking. I love my kids, though, and I keep telling myself that's what matters.

And now I have to go do laundry. I'm not too fond of that, either :)

How sad is it that this is the best news I've had in a while? Heee... I'm such a geek :)

Oh, and I swear I'm going to start updating a lot more... I have a lot to say, but not tonight...

The other night Millie told Hal that she doesn't like America and wants to go back to Canada. Daddy told her that we're trying to go back, but "first we have to have your birthday party" (she's turning 7 soon - I can hardly believe it - but that's another post). She told him that she wanted to have her birthday party in Canada because "no one here listens" to her. I know she has friends here, but it's not like it used to be.

My heart is breaking for my little girl.

We have to get out of here. We just got an electric bill that covered two months: apparently the bill for November that I was so happy about was an "estimate" and was off by $600. And the bill for December was the same. We now owe the electric company $1600 even after I paid them $500 last month. Stupid FUCKING baseboard heaters. I nearly had a panic attack when I saw that. There are still probably 3-4 months where we're going to need to use them at least a little bit, so does that mean another 4 $900 bills??? You have to be kidding me! I got one of the pellet stoves going yesterday, but it doesn't seem to warm things up nearly as much as we were told it would. Right now my fingers are FREEZING, and it's not even that cold out.

I hate it here too, Millie. :(

Things are better. After I wrote that last entry, we talked. We both agree that no matter how stressed out we are here, we have to stop and think more before we open our big mouths :)

We just watched "Music and Lyrics" - the movie with Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore - and both really enjoyed it. If you haven't seen it, make sure to check it out. Who knew Hugh Grant could sing? And you've gotta love the 80s music video at the beginning! As Hal said, "You could go back to the 80s and put that out, and it would be a huge hit".

I don't like admitting this, but Hal and I have been fighting a LOT lately. I know we're both stressed because we don't want to be here, but damn - I just don't know how much more I can take. We're both being so frigging nasty to each other. One minute we're fine, and laughing and joking, or having fun with the kids, and the next we're sniping at each other like we're mortal enemies. I hate this. Maybe it's been the stress of the holidays, or just having him around all the time this last couple of weeks. I'm actually looking forward to him going back to work tomorrow, so that hopefully we can all just get back into a normal routine.

I so don't want to keep going like this. I love my husband, and I know he loves me. This damn place is tearing us apart, though. What's the point of being together if in the end you're alone?

Shit.